Posted in #pain, Dying, Heart Break, Inner Feelings, loss, Love

I miss you daddy

He’ll never hold my hand again.

He’ll never hold me in his arms again.

I’ll never hear his voice over the phone again.

I’ll never see his worried face when I came home late again.

I know that after a while I‘ll feel better than now.

Not because I accepted his absence, as he’s always there with me.

But I’ll get used to the pain.

Rest in peace daddy.

Posted in Dying, Heart Break, Inner Feelings, Love, Uncategorized

DADDY…

They think that when I say “I’m all right”, that I am

They think that when I stop crying, that I forget

Well, nothing is all right. Nothing will never stop the pain inside.

Nothing will be the same again.

He died and nothing will change that.

He left our world, left me alone.

But I can remember his sweet smile.

I can see his comforting eyes.

I can still feel his arms around me, even if he is not here anymore.

Sometimes I talk to him and I know that no response will be received

but still I need his reassuring.

I love you daddy more than words can say

You will always be in my heart no matter where you are

and no matter how old I am, I will always be your little princess.

Posted in Heart Break, Inner Feelings, Living, Love, Memories, Uncategorized

I Fell in Love with a Star

Once I fell in love with a star

It was near to me, but still too far

It was shining brightly in the sky

Anyone can recognize it, it’s not very hard

I used to talk to it all night long

But it did not talk back to me or respond

I spent years longing to reach it

But one day, I looked around and  it was gone

I told myself maybe it’s life, no more

It  takes away what we cherish the most

Days and nights then days and nights

My life was empty without your light

Darkness was all over my sky, with no clue where you are

I was shy to ask those who know you

where I can find you or how to talk to you

One day I found you, but you were not alone

You  had a fellow star that takes you home

I was happy to see you, and jealous too

I was not used to the fellow who was with you

But I told myself it’s better that way

Better than never see you all of my days

I will never talk to you like before, but yet I am happy

that you still exist in my world

I will get to see you from time to time

But deep down inside I want you, but on my own way

I longed to talk to you alone like before

without your fellow that reminds me;

that you are not mine anymore

One day I saw you from afar

you were with your fellow star

And behind you, I can see a baby one

I cried so hard and I knew that you were gone

You  will never be mine alone

Days and nights then days and nights

My life was empty without your light

Then one day, I found you alone in my sky

You needed a friend, and here you are

We talked together like never before

You made me feel complete and whole

You used to come to talk each night

and I used to fell asleep in your light

I told you all what I have inside

I want you to come for the rest of my life

But once again you come and go

After I used to expect you every night, you are not here anymore

Right now, I look to the sky and pray

To catch a glimpse of you anyway

Will I spend my life like that?

Will I wait for you to appear again from time to time?

Will I be always in love with you my star?

No matter where you go,

I know you will always be right here in my heart.

Posted in #contemplating, #thankful, Fear, Friendship, Heart Break, Inner Feelings, Love, Memories

Take my Breath Away (2013)

Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale…

Have you ever thought about the gift of breathing?

I never thought how hard it could be to take our breath and live.

Never appreciate how precious that is, I always thought it was easy.

Until I started to keep track of my breaths when I am with you.

I realized that when we are together, you take my breath away.

Discovering that I was busy worshiping the moment I share with you;

That I sometimes forget to take my breath.

Take me wherever you want, buy me whatever you want, I don’t care,

I just want to be breathless, right there beside you.

The feeling that we were getting close to each other,

Made me taste my breath; it was sweeter than ever,

That I want to breathe again and again

I told myself “Calm down, girl. Breathe deeply because this is too good to be true”

Afraid, I had to admit, I was afraid to confess what I feel inside.

Frightened, that you would repel my emotions.

Confused, shall I be able to breathe again if you are not in my life.

Finally, I decided that I could not take the risk of dying.

I shall never risk, losing you.

While talking about all the girls you know,

I guess you never imagined how that rips me inside out.

But I handle the pain, though it hurts every time I try to breathe,

But it is easier than sucking the life out of me.

I used to console myself that you confide in me and that’s enough.

I am your friend; that gives my breath a break to be easily relieved.

Then she comes to your life and I felt that you are drifting away from me,

You talk about her, how special she is, how she makes you laugh,

How you are ready to be with her forever.

You ask about my opinion? I give it to you honestly as a friend

But when I saw you like that, I decided to back off,

I felt that there is no air in my lungs anymore.

And I thought I would fight for you until my last breath.

But you were never meant for me from the start.

My breath deluded me.

You have to know that I am dying inside,

But I can feel how thrilled you are with her.

And I cannot stop feeling happy for you.

Stupid as I am, I decided that my time has come.

I am offering you, the most precious thing I have.

As I know that when you will go,

I will have no more to take.

I will need no more.

Take my breath away and live my love,

Take my breath away.

Inhale…Exhale… Exhale …Exhale…….

Posted in Fear, Heart Break, Inner Feelings, Memories

Afraid to hope (2012)

Entrapped inside of myself, can’t find the way out

Darkness surrounds me and pulls me to the ground

Is there an exit or I am just fouling myself around

Loneliness chains around me are unbreakable

I am trying here but they are unshakable

Darkness all over me even when my eyes are open

Turning me to a silent statue that is cold and frozen

Creeping around to find a salvation

Closing my eyes to reach a destination

I saw a gleam of light and it was outstanding

There I saw the sea, waves are everlasting

I stand there afraid to touch them with my feet

While inside I wanted to feel complete

Afraid to hope, I opened my eyes rapidly

Darkness was there, still wraps me slightly

Choice was all mine, do I dare to break the chain

Would I fight my loneliness and not be in pain

Fumbling for the chain I found it broken

Was not it that hard?  I felt awoken

Touching the walls, trying hard to find the door

When it was found, I heard the music of the shore

I grabbed the handle and open it

There was the sea waiting for me

Is it hope or another misery!!

“May your choices reflect your hopes not your fears.” -Nelson Mandela

Posted in #contemplating, Heart Break, Inner Feelings, life Lesson, Memories, Uncategorized

Where did your love go? (2003)

Two months have gone since you left me 
I thought time would heal the pain inside me 
But I stand still watching my body collapsing 
I can’t bear your absence; it seems everlasting 
You’ve said that you’ll be there for me 
But you left me as if you don’t need me 
I told myself that I’ve to be stronger 
But when I think of us; I can’t stand it any longer 
I remember you when you told me that you would never leave 
Now I have to stand as a dry leave; 
Left in a windy night to face her fate, 
Over a neglected tree that seems broken and pail. 
Why you did that I do not know. 
But I can’t help but hope that someday you’ll know, 
that the lady you left in the middle of the road; 
was the only one that needed you and was ready to give you her soul. 

Posted in # senses, #contemplating, #thankful, Heart Break, life Lesson, Memories, Uncategorized

Back to your senses

Have you ever thought about your senses and how they are important to you?

All that you can say is that they are very important to our life and body… blah blah blah but I were not talking about their significance to your life or your body, on the contrary, my question was targeting your souls.  Let me assure you that our souls need every sense we have and let me prove it to you.

Our sight captures every beautiful picture that crosses our eyes. It saves the beauty in our mind to recall it when we need a memory for what we felt in that place. The memory does not rely on the place and its beauty, it relies on how it touched our souls, what we felt while we were there.

Hearing a great song that touches the heart, sharing it with your beloved ones, singing it very often that it became carved inside your mind and when you accidentally hear it after a long time all the memories come back alive. The song we heard is not the memory but how it made us feel. I had a special song for each of my boyfriends – those I had all my life, each one reminds me of the one I heard the song with him. 🙂

Tasting a delicious ice-cream that you shared with your best friend after school. Its taste lasts on your tongue like forever. When you eat it one more time you can remember everything like it was yesterday. It’s not the ice-cream taste that holds the memory, it’s who you eat it with and how was your soul then.

The first touch from the one you love. How you felt back then and how your mind and soul captures the feeling like it would slip away any minute and you cherish it for a lifetime. Remembering it makes you feel like you were touched this exact moment and you feel your soul freshened as if your back again with him.

Smelling is my favorite sense… yes smelling. You can’t explain this sense at all. You smell something and it can put you in a bad mood or a good mood. My boyfriend used to wear one of ARMANI perfumes- I don’t remember the name – but whenever I smell it, I remember all the old good days, the bad times and the breakup…. it all comes back to me as if I was reliving all the story all over again. It can change my mood from bad to good and vice versa. When I smell it my brain stops working as if to tell me to stop, to think over, you had lived with that smell the good and the bad times but now it no longer exists in your life – he is gone. His smell is still carved in my mind but I guess he used it to cover his decayed soul.

“Perfume is a disguise. Since the middle ages, we have worn masks of fruit and flowers in order to conceal from ourselves the meaty essence of our humanity.” – TomRobbins, Wild Ducks Flying Backward.

Our senses are the main tools for our brain to keep the memories inside. Make your senses hold the beauty in everything and erase the ugliness from everything. Even if something turned up ugly at the end, be content that it happened from the start and be thankful that you did not have to cope with it until the end of your days.