Posted in #contemplating, #details, Dying, Fear, Friendship, Growing Up, Inner Feelings, Living, Love

Will I LIVE before I DIE??

Meeting new people

Seeing new places

Changing your world

Sharing secrets with your best friend

Falling down

Rising up from the ground

Having a chance to start all over again

Falling in love

Breaking up

Loving without hope

Feeling the first touch from the one you love

Enjoying your first kiss, even if it was not that good

Dressing for your wedding day

Being afraid of the commitment to someone for the rest of your days

Erasing your fears with his embrace

Observing the first glance from your first born

Touching her fingers and wondering how small she is

Combing your girl’s hair

Saying goodbye to her on her first day at school

Being a friend to your kids

Sacrificing your life for them

Watching them grow

Being considered as their only pain

Getting old

Savoring being surrounded by family and friends

Feeling weak

Wrinkling skin

Detesting loneliness

Starring at the ceilings

Closing your eyes

Resting in peace

I wonder if those moments will pass me by

I wonder will I LIVE before I DIE?

Posted in #contemplating, #thankful, Fear, Friendship, Heart Break, Inner Feelings, Love, Memories

Take my Breath Away (2013)

Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale…

Have you ever thought about the gift of breathing?

I never thought how hard it could be to take our breath and live.

Never appreciate how precious that is, I always thought it was easy.

Until I started to keep track of my breaths when I am with you.

I realized that when we are together, you take my breath away.

Discovering that I was busy worshiping the moment I share with you;

That I sometimes forget to take my breath.

Take me wherever you want, buy me whatever you want, I don’t care,

I just want to be breathless, right there beside you.

The feeling that we were getting close to each other,

Made me taste my breath; it was sweeter than ever,

That I want to breathe again and again

I told myself “Calm down, girl. Breathe deeply because this is too good to be true”

Afraid, I had to admit, I was afraid to confess what I feel inside.

Frightened, that you would repel my emotions.

Confused, shall I be able to breathe again if you are not in my life.

Finally, I decided that I could not take the risk of dying.

I shall never risk, losing you.

While talking about all the girls you know,

I guess you never imagined how that rips me inside out.

But I handle the pain, though it hurts every time I try to breathe,

But it is easier than sucking the life out of me.

I used to console myself that you confide in me and that’s enough.

I am your friend; that gives my breath a break to be easily relieved.

Then she comes to your life and I felt that you are drifting away from me,

You talk about her, how special she is, how she makes you laugh,

How you are ready to be with her forever.

You ask about my opinion? I give it to you honestly as a friend

But when I saw you like that, I decided to back off,

I felt that there is no air in my lungs anymore.

And I thought I would fight for you until my last breath.

But you were never meant for me from the start.

My breath deluded me.

You have to know that I am dying inside,

But I can feel how thrilled you are with her.

And I cannot stop feeling happy for you.

Stupid as I am, I decided that my time has come.

I am offering you, the most precious thing I have.

As I know that when you will go,

I will have no more to take.

I will need no more.

Take my breath away and live my love,

Take my breath away.

Inhale…Exhale… Exhale …Exhale…….

Posted in #details, #understanding, Inner Feelings, Love

They Say…

They Say that the person who loves you, understands you, feels you.

You go with him beyond the stage of speech to the stage of silence.

Once he looks at you, he knows that you have something to hide, know your mood from your voice.

The person who loves you is the person who pays attention to your details.

Posted in #thankful, Growing Up, Inner Feelings, life Lesson, Marriage

Do not Stop Your Life!!!

Is marriage a choice?
A serious dilemma that most of the people suffer from.

Young girls had grown up on the fact that after they finish their studies, majors or whatever path of education they chose, eventually, the next step would be finding the right man – if they did not think about that during their educational phase. Why? did anyone ask herself before?

Well, since ancient times, girls had to know how to deal with a household, raise kids, have a decent education – in order to teach her children, not for herself, play piano, do some knitting…etc. If we think about that thoroughly, we can find that all of that stuff was not for her pleasure or kind of a hobby. That was for her own good to have the best qualifications to find the right man to settle down – and if you think about it it is not settling down at all 🙂 yeah girls, unfortunately, we are raised to reach that target.

In our present days, we can find that girls started to exclude that target from their own agenda. Why? Girls, in our century, started to question the purpose of this target, does it worth it to waste all their educations and lives to serve a man – no matter how right he was- for the rest of her life.

If you started to think that I am an anti-marriage girl, well, think again. As I said before, girls always in a pursuit for the right man – it is in our blood- but I do not stop my life or wait for him doing nothing at all. I do not fall in depression if he never comes or if other girls get married. Well, my life would go naturally and if the right man crosses my way, I would get married and then I would be convinced that I am doing the right step. But if not, I would not compare my life with others and living feeling sorry for myself.

Yes, it is a choice that we make. We take the decision of marriage or not, it is our own choice, even if we think that it is obligatory, it is not. If you have decided that your career is important now and you should focus on it and disregard all those who come your way… it is your own choice. Do not regret it later, as you had a different target that of another girl who did not think but of the right man who will make her live happily ever after. 😦

Life goes on. It does not stop for anyone or anything. Do not stop your life for any kind of unreached target. Live your life to the full, play piano, read often, knit something, cook… do whatever you please but do it for yourself not to please others or to get qualified for so-called a better life. You do not know what exactly is better for you.

Posted in Fear, Heart Break, Inner Feelings, Memories

Afraid to hope (2012)

Entrapped inside of myself, can’t find the way out

Darkness surrounds me and pulls me to the ground

Is there an exit or I am just fouling myself around

Loneliness chains around me are unbreakable

I am trying here but they are unshakable

Darkness all over me even when my eyes are open

Turning me to a silent statue that is cold and frozen

Creeping around to find a salvation

Closing my eyes to reach a destination

I saw a gleam of light and it was outstanding

There I saw the sea, waves are everlasting

I stand there afraid to touch them with my feet

While inside I wanted to feel complete

Afraid to hope, I opened my eyes rapidly

Darkness was there, still wraps me slightly

Choice was all mine, do I dare to break the chain

Would I fight my loneliness and not be in pain

Fumbling for the chain I found it broken

Was not it that hard?  I felt awoken

Touching the walls, trying hard to find the door

When it was found, I heard the music of the shore

I grabbed the handle and open it

There was the sea waiting for me

Is it hope or another misery!!

“May your choices reflect your hopes not your fears.” -Nelson Mandela

Posted in #contemplating, Heart Break, Inner Feelings, life Lesson, Memories, Uncategorized

Where did your love go? (2003)

Two months have gone since you left me 
I thought time would heal the pain inside me 
But I stand still watching my body collapsing 
I can’t bear your absence; it seems everlasting 
You’ve said that you’ll be there for me 
But you left me as if you don’t need me 
I told myself that I’ve to be stronger 
But when I think of us; I can’t stand it any longer 
I remember you when you told me that you would never leave 
Now I have to stand as a dry leave; 
Left in a windy night to face her fate, 
Over a neglected tree that seems broken and pail. 
Why you did that I do not know. 
But I can’t help but hope that someday you’ll know, 
that the lady you left in the middle of the road; 
was the only one that needed you and was ready to give you her soul. 

Posted in # senses, #contemplating, #thankful, Heart Break, life Lesson, Memories, Uncategorized

Back to your senses

Have you ever thought about your senses and how they are important to you?

All that you can say is that they are very important to our life and body… blah blah blah but I were not talking about their significance to your life or your body, on the contrary, my question was targeting your souls.  Let me assure you that our souls need every sense we have and let me prove it to you.

Our sight captures every beautiful picture that crosses our eyes. It saves the beauty in our mind to recall it when we need a memory for what we felt in that place. The memory does not rely on the place and its beauty, it relies on how it touched our souls, what we felt while we were there.

Hearing a great song that touches the heart, sharing it with your beloved ones, singing it very often that it became carved inside your mind and when you accidentally hear it after a long time all the memories come back alive. The song we heard is not the memory but how it made us feel. I had a special song for each of my boyfriends – those I had all my life, each one reminds me of the one I heard the song with him. 🙂

Tasting a delicious ice-cream that you shared with your best friend after school. Its taste lasts on your tongue like forever. When you eat it one more time you can remember everything like it was yesterday. It’s not the ice-cream taste that holds the memory, it’s who you eat it with and how was your soul then.

The first touch from the one you love. How you felt back then and how your mind and soul captures the feeling like it would slip away any minute and you cherish it for a lifetime. Remembering it makes you feel like you were touched this exact moment and you feel your soul freshened as if your back again with him.

Smelling is my favorite sense… yes smelling. You can’t explain this sense at all. You smell something and it can put you in a bad mood or a good mood. My boyfriend used to wear one of ARMANI perfumes- I don’t remember the name – but whenever I smell it, I remember all the old good days, the bad times and the breakup…. it all comes back to me as if I was reliving all the story all over again. It can change my mood from bad to good and vice versa. When I smell it my brain stops working as if to tell me to stop, to think over, you had lived with that smell the good and the bad times but now it no longer exists in your life – he is gone. His smell is still carved in my mind but I guess he used it to cover his decayed soul.

“Perfume is a disguise. Since the middle ages, we have worn masks of fruit and flowers in order to conceal from ourselves the meaty essence of our humanity.” – TomRobbins, Wild Ducks Flying Backward.

Our senses are the main tools for our brain to keep the memories inside. Make your senses hold the beauty in everything and erase the ugliness from everything. Even if something turned up ugly at the end, be content that it happened from the start and be thankful that you did not have to cope with it until the end of your days.

Posted in Growing Up, Jealousy, life Lesson, sisterhood, teenagers

My Sparkling Star

Every girl has a sparkling star in her life, someone that she loves so much but still, she is a competition no matter what she does or how deep is their love. She is that one to me. My eldest sister, my idol, my soul mate, my adviser, nearly my everything but yet she is my sparkling star.

She is an adorable person, the one you see her and fall in love with her right away. She helps everyone and does not hesitate to sacrifice all her time and resources for you if you need her. Moreover, she can dedicate people for your help, if she can. The kind of person who is smart, intelligent and gives you the best and righteous advice. She is a talkative person who mesmerizes you with her words. She is always the center of attention in everything or everywhere and that bothers me like hell.

On the contrary, I am a quiet peaceful person who likes to stay alone most of the time. Do not like talking a lot, but at the same time sociable and sweet. I love everyone and do not hate anyone no matter what they do. I give the people who hurt me a million reasons for their behavior. My friends love me and believe that I am the best friend and sister they can get. And when I say that, the theory is applied to both girls and boys.

During our teen-aging time, she was the beautiful girl who had a great body and a beautiful face, while I was the sweet girl who was a little bit chubby – no perfect body if you know what I mean- and wearing glasses which I used to hate them so much. As a result of this, she had like a million admirer who was charmed by her and I was the one who falls in love with million guys but in imagination only. She had a boyfriend and I had guys who I love secretly and have no guts to admit it to them. Yes… I envied her and felt that I was not enough to those around me. No matter how I felt or what I do; I will always be the best friend and nothing more.

Accordingly, like many teenage girls who feel that they are never enough as they are, I tried to search inside of me for anything that makes me special, something differentiate me. In other words, I started to focus on me and going to college helps with that. I started to know different people – who does not know my sparkling sister, and I started to sparkle in my own environment. Eventually, when my friends knew her she was only the sister of a sociable sparkling character – which is me, so it was natural phenomena. 

Finally, we grew up, and I ignored the envious feeling, as I saw what really inside of me, focused on developing myself without comparing with anyone and believed in who I am even if I do not sparkle that much. I did not try to sparkle in any way but sooner or later I found myself sparkling in my own way.

Search for that sparkling spot inside of you, do not feel insecure when you are around people who are naturally sparkly and you will eventually amazingly glow.